Silent Tears –

You would not believe the kind of hell I had to today then how my day turned into heaven and a praise. I woke up around 00:30 and smoked a cigarette. Then I woke up again at 02:30 and smoked a cigarette and was so tired I tried to go back to sleep but ended up just lying there not knowing whether I had slept or not and got out of bed around 04:15. I have been up ever since. I slept so horrible last night and still felt sick from yesterday. I was in darkness again trying to do it all on my own. I tried to watch my pastor today but just couldn’t grasp it. It was so frustrating not being able to think properly or have complete thoughts, so I got down to business on you Silent Tears, and that was even worse trying to figure out this block template and how to set up this blog page. I was falling apart on the inside. Then a neighbor asked me for a ride. The Lord knew I need gas money and this is how he provided it for me. Me and my neighbor ate some fried chicken and started watching a movie, “Just Like Heaven.” She was drinking and we got on the topic of God and honoring God. I called her out on her drinking very gently and by way of a question. A few minutes later she told me I hurt her. I apologized and told her the only reason I said anything is because I care and that telling someone the truth is a very loving thing. Anyone can co-sign your bull-shit and tell you what you want to hear, but a real friend will tell you the truth. We got more in-depth and shared tears. She has decided to get help with her drinking. What a blessing. You know she helped me today more than I think I helped her. I needed that. I was prompted by the Holy Spirit to say something and told myself no and then just trusted and said something. A lot of times when you tell people the truth they don’t receive it well. However, later in life sometimes years down the road they will comeback in your life and thank you saying, I didn’t want to hear what you were telling me but looking back you were right and most importantly it showed me you really cared about me. I have even managed to make my mashed potatoes for potluck tomorrow and best part…they turned out. My own from scratch recipes have not been turning out including my mashed potatoes which I came up with in my 20’s. By the way I am 39 years old never been married and no children. It has to stay this way as that is God’s will for my life. I longed to be married for a long time but after finding my soul mate it is better to wait for heaven and eternity than to be with the wrong man. I am filled with love and joy today. Thank you, Jesus for turning my life around and bringing me another who is suffering to share our pain together. There is therapeutic value of one suffering person talking to another suffering person. Never underestimate the power of your words…good and bad. End.