Silent Tears-

I am in a storm. A storm of uncertainty. I have no money, $15, and some change to be exact, and my needs are not met. I am feeling I need things. Things in my apartment. Bigger and better things than what I have so that I feel ok. The storm with money is this: I am on disability and at the beginning of December 2024 I get my $1,317 and $220 on a Medicare card, and after rent, electricity, fuel (which I usually run out a week before), and after cigarettes I have about $24 left for the whole month. I have squandered away my back pay and gambled it all away as well and it gone leaving me with uncertainty. How am I going to pay my water and heat bill to my landlord and keep shelter? How am I going to be able to pay in for my taxes for all the jackpots I won and have nothing left of them? How am I going to get an oil change and my flat tire on my truck fixed? I don’t know. I heard the Holy Spirit tell me that I would go to a certain pizza place get an application and that I would get an interview on the spot and a job. Well, the first part happened I got an interview, but no job yet. I have called and the lady knows that I have been trying to get ahold of her. She has intentionally not called me back at this point, so I really believe that she does not want to give me a job. I know that if the Lord wants me to have a job there, I will get one. That has happened to me before with a truck driving job. I want to go back into truck driving now to relieve stress about money and become financially well off again. I loved my life as a truck driver. It is really the only thing I want to do even over this blog, but I am sure I am to do this blog and trust the Lord for my needs but how? When the money don’t add up, it don’t add up. I watched my pastor today for guidance and I need to wait. It could only be until the pizza place says, “No”, but I still need to wait. This answer will guide me to where the Lord wants me. I still have trouble sleeping, but it has improved a lot since November 5th. I am getting part of myself back which makes me want everything back that I had including my life as a truck driver. I do know this: that Satan will rule in my life again if I have idle hands, so a job I need. I need to wait to know that I am protected out on the road if I do go back into truck driving for my next job. I also worry about if I will be able to get a truck driving job again as I have two accidents on my MVR and two traffic violations. The traffic violations got “read in”/dismissed so they are not to be used against me, but that doesn’t mean they won’t be used against me. Well, I will wait because that was the only clear answer. Plus, I came to the conclusion that I want to be a truck driver right now, but that is likely not what the Lord wants. For some reason doing this blog and my ministry through Facebook is what He wants. I have invested in both, but it comes down to money for me and I just won’t have the money I need to live. End.