Silent Tears-

I just had a nightmare, and I am so tired that I can’t see straight. I am overwhelmed and I just slept two hours. This is how my nightmare began. I was in my ford pickup I just sold today, and it was driving with no one in the seat..knock..knock) my neighbor checked on me. I told her I can’t right now that I had a nightmare. I think she was offended but it doesn’t matter at this point. Perspective it does matter because I do care, but I need to take care of me right now. So, the truck was driving with no one in the seat and my mom was there sleeping next to me in the “bed” of the truck. She said, “Well get in the driver’s seat.” I couldn’t get to the driver’s seat fast enough and we were in a construction zone and going around a curve we fell off on to a lower side dirt road just missing a construction worker and their work truck. Me and my mom were both arrested. I was being questioned and I told them I didn’t know what happened that I just woke up in my truck and that I had sold it the day before but don’t know how I got it back. I asked my mom if I bought it back and I can’t remember her reply but I believe she said that I bought it back. In my mind I was thinking why the hell would I buy my truck back? Then my mom was being questioned by a man, and it came up that during the “time I was out” that me and my mother had been pulled over prior to the accident and we were having sex, but I was a man, and the officers let us finish until we were done and just gave us a ticket. Then that my mother was pregnant with twins from me. As the man was questioning my mother, he handed her an ash tray and she said, “Is that mine and grabbed an old cigarette butt. Then she went to go put it back saying “I thought that was Dezaray’s,” but then grabbed it again as it was hers. The man questioning her thought I was innocent and said to her we are going to try you first. It was him saying we know you are behind this and trying to blame your daughter. Then I woke up drenched up in my own sweat not believing what had just taken place another nightmare and I ate meat tonight too (med medicine is a protein and if I eat protein with it then my medicine works better). I went outside and then came to you Silent Tears. This comes from my life and takes place tonight because of what my mother did today talking to my cousin and inviting that demon in my apartment and back into my life. I am really tired. Yes, I am having nightmares because of my mother’s actions today. And she will want to call me mentally ill and blame me for this. Then she is actually wanting to blame me for my nightmares too. So, it was haunting me from today before I fell asleep at around 23:00. I had taken my PRN at around 20:00 so I can’t take it again until 02:00. Having this nightmare is just a half hour before I can take it again, so it wore off and I had a nightmare because of that. It spell’s a recipe of disaster for me to have this woman, my mother in my life. I need to know if God really wants me to let her go. I want her out, but I want her to fade out on her own not say anything to her just let it happen. So, it was haunting me before bed and then Satan used real life things that I did, like I had watched a reel video of a self-driving semi and then used a past delusion to bring in a twist to the nightmare. I am so tired not much to share except I can’t let my relationship with my mother cost me sleep and peace it has already cost me my gambling clean time, and I am starting over mentally, so much that I don’t want to separate the sin from drinking and doing drugs. I am clean now. One last thing in my nightmare I asked the company if they would still hire me and they said no. I can’t…I just can’t. I am going to have myself some peanut butter balls and another cigarette and pray to not have a nightmare. I did get something to drink a cream soda with ice cubes before I sat down, and I threw the old liquid in the garbage can not in the sink and fumbled around not being able to get the ice cubes in my glass. I think this is pretty bad and any way you want to slice it or dice it…it isn’t love. End.