Silent Tears-

I have had the day from hell no lie. I couldn’t sleep last night because I went and gambled but then I couldn’t sleep through the night either because it is too cold in my apartment. The heat went out on the 1^st and it has been significantly cooler in my apartment. I have had two nights in a row where I woke up because I was cold. I am getting a cough today and can’t stay warm either. I called my landlord and left a message about my heat not working properly. He called back instantly and said his name then Landlord/Owner then started yelling at me. Seriously I couldn’t even think straight it triggered my PTSD, and I have been trembling all day because of it. I have spent most of my day just sitting here trying to get warm and I couldn’t. He sent his big helper over today the maintenance man and he does this for a job…jack shit. The landlord told me on the phone that it costs $300 for them to come fix the heat and I responded so I can’t sleep because you don’t want to pay $300 to fix the heat? I told him that he legally has to provide heat He said I get it. Then I said “Then do your job. He kept going on and on yelling at me so I said I can’t believe you are this abusive and hung up the phone. Somehow in all my pain and suffering today God blesses me with a sharp wise tongue. I don’t get it. I can be in less pain and go gamble and be so far off mentally and then I have days like today where I am just dying in pain all kinds of pain mental, emotional, and physical just coming at me from every direction and still have my wits about me. I am baffled. This was the single highlight of my day and the only good thing that happened to me today. I can put my hair up in a ponytail again. I got to see myself today. I am all smiles. I had a dream last night a few but will only share the one as it is the most significant to me. At about midnight I saw a golden light shining on me. I asked is it time? The light got brighter, and I thought the rapture was happening the light went a little darker and I knew the rapture wasn’t taking place then. When I lived in Appleton, I thought I had figured out that the rapture would happen at midnight. Now that this has happened today, I believe that the midnight was in reference to when I would be “back.” I am back today. How I have missed my own reflection. Never underestimate the power of a girl in a ponytail. While my landlord does all these things TO me, he doesn’t get that he has already broken the laws which entitle me to all my rent money back that I am paying. So go ahead make my case stronger make my life hell like I haven’t been to hell and back again and again like this little insignificant man is going to break me. Now I am a woman and work by love so if I loved him, he could break me, but its 100% no love for that wicked man. I am still so tired I am begging God for sleep tonight just all the way through no coldness no cold sweats. Just a good night’s sleep. I don’t want to go on and on, so I’ll end. End.