Silent Tears-

I have had a pretty good day. I slept in until 11:30ish which I don’t like. That means I will be up late tonight too. This all comes from gambling the other day. The unmanageability of my life. I need the sleep schedule to be productive and be successful at a truck driving job. I will have to pay close attention to myself and how I and my body respond to this old but new medicine. I know it has a helped a lot, but it is like I am back in some darkness right now. I think it is wearing off. I fasted and prayed today but not like I had planned. I had planned to wake up early and fast and pray all day but that didn’t happen I was too tired. I didn’t sleep the greatest either. I was up because I was too cold. I had to put on a hoodie to be able to sleep, but once I did, I slept better. I re-wrote an old journal entry from last month and it had in it getting my father put on my birth certificate. I did it today. I took the court order and certified copy and sent it to the vital records of Ohio and his name should be put on it now. I have been thinking about how to let him know that I did this. I will likely write him a letter telling him that it is a late Christmas gift to him. I am putting thought into it. It makes me vulnerable which I don’t like but I have to put myself out there sometimes and take a risk to be me. My mother was the reason it was never changed. Walking to the post office today to mail it I felt empowered. I felt like myself. I have felt a lot like me today but not all the time like I want to. The prayer and fasting I did today was to connect with God and overcome some of the demons that haunt me. My sin, when I broke the law, haunts me less because I am protected by God. I am 100% sure, I want to say confident, but I have some doubts still. I hope that I can beat my gambling addiction, so that I can once again enjoy my life. There is healing with medicine and from the Holy Spirit. If I can emphasize one thing to you today is that once you believe in Jesus Christ and have the Holy Spirit everything is possible. The power of the Holy Spirit live inside me and will teach me and heal me. I am off to do some work tonight yet and get more entries in so that when I go over the road as a truck driver, I can just enter my journal entries from day to day in real time. So, I’ll end. End.