Silent Tears-

I feel like I don’t have much to say today but wanted to journal to get anything out that I need to. I prayed for my soul mate today at women’s prayer group. I can’t do that again. It could get out who I am praying for and why. I never want the way I feel to come back to him. It is not fair to him or anyone else that could get hurt. A homewrecker is not on my list to be. I learned today that the thoughts I have fuel my feelings and when intense they cause a reaction not a response. I also have learned that I am a back biter. I like to attack people with words when there hurt me or wrong me. It maybe makes me feel good but is not good for show. I need to play the game of life which is hard for me to do. I am very hopeful for this job every day they don’t call I get encouraged that they are not calling until they can offer me a job and interview. I feel sick because I stuffed myself with food. I just kept eating and eating for comfort. I hit depression and darkness between 15:00-16:00 and by 18:00 I am in full depression again not able to do much just sit there. I have been really hard on myself believing that I am unwilling to take care of myself when I know to but now, I know it was because I couldn’t take care of myself. I am able to now. I still have moments when I don’t want to do things, but I take a rest and eventually get them done. I thought today about what is coming my way likely an eviction and that God will not abandon me now. He has been here for me throughout this whole bi-polar episode and got me out of a prison sentence and I am a free woman today he won’t let me be homeless. He will provide a job and a new place for me to live, and he will give me a victory if I end up in a legal matter with my current landlord. God is on my side. If God is for me, who can be against me. End.