Silent Tears-

I am drunk. Why write if I cannot inspire? Because I know one day I will quit, and I will succeed and someone else can get hope. I am waiting for the dope man and some cocaine. I am drunk but I am at the same level of darkness that I was in this morning and trying to escape. This is why I prefer marijuana. It makes me happy. I don’t puke. I can sleep better. It is just more fun. I don’t know when I am going to quit. I know I will have to go through some dark times again and I just can’t. If I could explain every detail I would but you don’t know what goes through my head. Let me try and tell you. I thought about the night in prison and when I was in psychosis. That is enough to make me reach for anything in my grasp to make me “feel better”, but I don’t I still feel like killing myself. It is not even that I am suicidal but that I would rather be dead then have to go through this pain. Death is kinder than living the way I do in my head. Any excuses for using? I can come up with a couple, but the truth is if I wanted to be clean today I would and I am not clean today. Well, I hope for better times and actually being able to give you and inspiring story where I overcome all this instead of the darkness and bullshit words using brings to me. I will end. End.