Silent Tears-

I felt pain today and cried. It was a good pain with healing tears. I have lived my life in prison since I was in middle school. I get a room with a bed/something to sleep on, a table to sit at, a chair, and a TV if I am blessed. At one point it was just a concrete floor and a toilet a physical prison. I have been trapped in this mind that I can do whatever I want to do, and it doesn’t matter. This mind set of denial of where I came from. It is time to embrace my past to become who I really am not just a product of my environment. I come from a single mom. A family that practices incest and acts of molestation. I have no father. I have suffered. That’s about as far as I got today emotionally. If I embrace my life, I have this feeling that something big will happen like a miracle for people to see. What is a miracle? I don’t know what your miracle is, but I know what mine is… to have a full-time job and keep it. When my whole life has been unstable and I have been nowhere longer than 5 years then having a stable job and a home and then keeping them for more than 5 years,… that is a miracle in my life. This prison I have been trapped in, “the teenage me,” has broken me. It has broken the woman I had become before now. I knew Jesus before I broke internally like this, so why did I break the law? To reject my life as a woman. I don’t want to be under a man. I don’t want to be under any authority. I want freedom, but freedom isn’t like I believed. It can only come from God and serving God. I know because I experienced this freedom. I have no words to describe its beauty. Why did I leave God? I was running. Running from my prison. This is a lot today and I am not going for length as much as I am quality…more will be revealed. End.