Silent Tears-

I am trying to figure out my feelings. I slept for almost 12 hours last night. I woke up with an emotional hangover, because just the weight of my feelings is too much for me. I am able to be clean and not feel so much pain. I watched Facing the Giants today and I got goosebumps a whole bunch of times. My favorite part is when Brock does the death crawl. You never know how far you can go unless you push yourself. I looked up the word ambition today and is defined as: the desire or determination to achieve success. I have had strong ambition in the past. I feel like I don’t have it now but know I do have it. I need to feel it like I have in the past and the feelings will come. I am not to be running on emotions though either. I did some positive affirmations today too. I can work as a truck driver again. I believe in myself. I am worth all the trouble. Believing in myself is half the battle. I am doubtful that I can do the job as a truck driver again. I am going to work on building that self-esteem and believing in myself because then I WILL be able to do it. I am outnumbered on every side for a truck driving job. I am a felon, I haven’t worked in 2 years, I have two accidents on my MVR and have had the privilege to drive taken from me in 2024. The only person that can get me a job is Jesus Christ. I believe without a doubt that He will get me a job. Now do I believe I will be successful. Not so much but can if I believe AND put in the hard work. I have to make a commitment to the Lord. Not a covenant but my word that I will give my very best to get a job and keep it. I started calling trucking companies today to see which ones allow cats. I am trying to beg God in my head for Him to keep a job opening at one company that sounds like they would work with me including losing the privilege to drive. I don’t know but God will come through for me not because I am faithful but because HE is faithful. End.