Silent Tears-

I just got off the phone with a fellow sister in Christ and I feel so encouraged. I was feeling so discouraged about being a truck driver again. I have been researching companies trying to find ones that allow cats and work with drivers who have less than 1 year experience and I felt like I would never get a job. I can’t pass a hair follicle test either so that disqualifies me from some major companies, so I felt even more discouraged, but after talking to this friend I am lifted up. She asked me if I liked truck driving when I did it before and my response was “I loved it!” Which is the truth, I loved everything about it. She reminded me that the job of driving a truck will be good for me. I forgot that part. I find driving therapeutic for me. Also, I can listen to music, bible studies, TV, and call anyone when I am working. There are just so many benefits for me to be a truck driver. I am so blessed to have this insight now. I guess that is why we are to reach out when we are struggling and get a different perspective. I slept in again today only after 8 though which is good. I slept pretty sound, so that’s good too. My friend also mentioned that she has to keep her mind occupied and I have to do that, and I don’t. That is a reason I gamble and use. A truck driving job will keep my mind occupied. This is a good thing not the catastrophe I think it will be. YES! I am feeling the love. I didn’t want to do much today just wanted to sit and think and do nothing which is a set up to use and I get money on Monday, so seems right when I self-sabotage. Well, the Lord will open a door for me somewhere if it is His will for me. We will see. I have to wait until the 3^rd of March to be able to pass a drug test. I feel so ashamed that I used after I had applied for a truck driving job, this just shows me how much I need a job. I ask to be able to forgive myself. End.