Silent Tears-

I am high but wanted to get this out. I contacted a different attorney about the case with the correctional officer, and they are looking at the video this week and should be contacting me as well. I asked the receptionist lady if they took cases like this and she said yes. There is hope there. I know though that if I do not get clean and healthy any money would be gone…to the casino first. I don’t want to live like that just throwing my life away. I mean I am doing it now, but I still want to have a future. If I am completely honest if I don’t stop using, I won’t have a future. I have to go back to a 12-step group and walk in to an in person meeting and start attending regularly along with church and finding a fellow traveler to work the 12-steps. Thats my big solution. Pretty simple but easier said than done. Ugh! People. I really don’t want to see these people, but it is part of having relationships and setbacks. I keep myself set back. I can be lots better if I didn’t use. I could be happier if I was clean. I didn’t want to go off on this. I just wanted to enjoy mu buzz today but is getting harder to do. I want to be healthy and happy, and I want to be prepared if I get any more money and today, I am not ready. Ugh! I want out of this mess, but I want it instantly and it takes time. I’ll end. End.