Silent Tears-

I am physically sick, I have bronchitis and something else. My mom took me to urgent care and helped me get the medicine I need to get better. On the way back to my apartment me and my mom got into it…what a surprise. Sarcasm intended. I called her out on talking to my cousin and how she just wants to pretend like nothing happened. She actually defended her actions that she was doing the right thing and saw nothing wrong with what she did. I told her she betrayed me and that she was a horrible mother. She denied betraying me, it is all ok in her eyes. She was a horrible mother. There are worse I am sure but what is important is I told her how I felt after all these years. She told me that she thinks we shouldn’t be in a relationship together. I agree 100%. I should have never reached out to her for money and help that was my mistake, but I am glad I did because now, right now… I have not felt so free in I don’t know how long. It is like this big burden has been lifted off me. I am happy and blessed. I have this thought in my mind like I got this licked when that is what causes me to relapse. I am grateful for her help, and I made the mistake of responding to her text and asking for help, but this is the best thing that has happened to me since my bi-polar episode. These feeling of self-love for standing up for myself and the feelings of freedom… There are more valuable things in life that money just can’t buy you. I lost my self-respect, but I can work on getting that back. I am still a very sick individual I mean I am very dysfunctional, but I am getting better today and that deserves a Hallelujah. I am having a hard time getting things out when I write and saying what I really want to say. My voice is buried underneath all this dysfunction, pain and sin. I am not resting today like my body needs so I am going to end to take care of me. End.