Silent Tears-

I have hit bottom emotionally. I went to the casino and spent about $1,000. I spent my rent money…everything. I could get evicted but he can’t evict me in winter. I am getting out of this place. I am giving my 60-day notice. I used here with my neighbor. I can’t get well here. Don’t get me wrong, I chose this. I felt mentally and emotionally strong better than I have felt since 2022, but it wasn’t enough. There wasn’t enough money…there is never enough money. This won’t stop by sheer will power. I can’t do this alone, and I mean with the gambling specifically. I am considering an inpatient treatment so that I can get a grip on this, but I don’t know if Medicare will cover it. I am so low…so fast. My plan is still the same…to get a truck driving job. This time I will relocate to wherever I can get a job hopefully out of state. I have worn out my welcome here in Wisconsin and Green Bay is no longer a good place for me to be. It is so bad. I was sitting at the machine almost in tears because I was losing my rent money and still, I couldn’t stop and walk away. I have heard before that this disease is insidious, but I don’t know what insidious means. So, let’s explore… insidious: proceeding in a gradual, subtle way, but with harmful effects. That is exactly what this did. It started on the 2^nd with thoughts of going. I have convinced myself that I was going to go. Then it had passed, and I was sure I wasn’t going to go. Then I got my rent check and paid my bills and after everything I had about $60 left for fuel and another shot for Blackey that costs $49. I just don’t have it every month. Every month there is not enough and say I get a truck driving job who is to say I will not be at the casino on pay day because I have extra money? It is painful.

End.