Silent Tears-

Oh, Silent Tears I need you today. I planned on sitting home cleaning, showering, and cooking. I did so much more. I went to Green Bay, I think twice today. I first picked up my truck from getting the flat tire fixed cost me $76.96 to have it changed. So, I paid $42 and some change to buy a used tire for my truck to replace the flat one. We have this family friend who owns an Auto Body shop, his garage, and he claims to be this Christian man who does favors and helps people. He charged me $50 for a service call. How is that for being a Christian like and helping people. I recognized this a few years ago and don’t go to him unless my regular mechanic can’t do it. I switched to this other mechanic and local place because they were complete strangers, and they actually helped me. Short story I was homeless in June and July in 2023, and I went there to get new brakes, and it needed a new wheel bearing too. When I went to go pay, he said he “worked in a coupon” for me. A complete stranger helping me out. It still put a smile on my face just writing about it right now. So, I go there now they are the real deal in a good honest mechanic shop, public by the way, and you can go there friends. If you need that. So, I got my truck back, I love driving it. I like it more than my Honda civic because the truck is a manual. So, I did that and my mom came to take me. Then I stopped and checked on an apartment in Pulaski after getting all these scam messages on Facebook. How frustrating! They had a one bedroom that will be available in February when I am looking to move but it is $850 a month. My mom encouraged me to apply but I am wiser than that. I know that answer already, a big, fat, NO. I don’t get enough money on disability. I started filling the application out and I needed a proof of income sheet from the Social Security office. So, in my excitement/mania I went to the office in Green Bay, and I found out they are taking $175 from my monthly social security payment. I actually get $1,491, but they take $174 and beginning in January I can get $1,529 a month. Have and actual chance at an apartment with my own bedroom again. I also called Medicare to get it straightened out. I had to apply for Medicare assistance. I spent about an hour and a half on the phone applying and calling 3 different places, but there is hope. It looks like I will get approved, I just need to send in some verification of titles of my vehicles and a bank statement. I lost the title to my Honda, but I have to replace it anyways because it is a salvage title now. Who did I run to for help…mommy. Of course she is going to help, but it comes with strings attached like listening to her go on and on and it hurts me. I did one thing to stand up for myself. When I was picking up my truck the family friend offered to show me his camper and I said, “no”, I have things I got to do and am having a bad mental health day. Here is the thing, I could play the game, you know take a look at his gift from his cousin and how nice it is, but why do it when I am struggling so much. It would just make me jealous that I don’t have that. So, I saved myself some time. I am happy I didn’t pretend like everything was ok after he just charged me $80 to change a tire. Ya getting what I am laying down? Oh yeah, I will take a look to “overlook” what you are actually doing… (to me, not helping me). I have learned that with most people in life every person will go their own way once money is involved, and they might lose some. Sad. People think money is the root of all evil, but Jesus said, 1 Timothy 6:10 KJV “For the LOVE of money is the root of all evil: which while some have coveted after. They have erred from the faith and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.” I think this family friend is like that, but I can be wrong. Only the Lord know the heart. So, I am tired, spent a lot of the day in panic mania from just having to do life tasks. Sucks. But on the upside, I might really be able to get a nice apartment. The ones in Pulaski are too expensive, but there is one in Denmark that is only $700 with heat and water included. So, I made decisions to apply to the one for $850 and told the lady I spoke with that I was going to apply, but I hadn’t prayed. I prayed and that little bit of calmness of the Holy Spirit to get me to slow down and think. Lord, that is a task only you can handle. I can’t. I just can’t shut my head off. Lately it is more times than not and right before bed, so I can’t sleep. Typing is stressing me out now. Good to be back to manic every day. Sarcasm at no extra charge. Anyway, yesterday I chalked up as a win because my purpose right now is to do this blog and sell my items on Facebook. Today I am not sure because I am too bogged down with stress but could mean a lot for my life getting a higher income every month and a normal apartment. I did get to cook today, ugh! I forgot I have to put the food away. I would like my positive attitude back. Just saying so I recognize that in myself. So busy day, hard day, feels like a bad day. I need some alone time I am in pain, but I have hope for a better tomorrow. End.