Silent Tears-

I have been so angry today. This is when I gamble also. I was working on an art gift for my bestie, and it wasn’t turning out like I had wanted it to. So, I got really angry and sat in it for a little bit. Then I changed the part I didn’t like, and it was better. I have finished it now and I love how it turned out. I actually was thinking of selling them as part of my ministry, but I am going to go back to truck driving, so I won’t have the down time like I do now. So, I was angry, then it got a little better, and then I got a $400 heat and electric bill. Oh Em Gee! All the financial problems I have caused myself this past few years, plus just this month not paying my rent and going to the casino. I feel defeated like I was getting somewhere having hope to become a truck driver and lessen my financial difficulties. Then…BAM! Nope your life is still shit. But I did go to a 12-step meeting and got out of that mindset and insanity. Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Honestly, I might be at the casino on the 3^rd, but I know I have a better chance at not going because of meetings and sharing my feelings. Also, they read some literature and put my life into perspective. Honestly, I am at the lowest point. I owe thousands in credit card debit and can’t afford food even, but this is the lowest it has to get. I can patiently wait until April 3 to start applying for a job and when I get one it will alleviate some of this pain…The best is yet to come. Plus, I can’t solve all my problems at once and this problem with the bill isn’t today’s problem. It is April 15th’s problem when the bill is due and I am not their yet. On the back burner it goes. Today my focus is just to not gamble and not to take that first drug. This explains a lot to me why I have relapsed and couldn’t stay clean on my own. I can’t do it on my own will power. I need others, I need to share with others, and hear others stories who are just like mine. I am not alone and neither are you. H.O.P.E.-Hold On Pain Ends. That is the truth today H.O.P.E. For tomorrow. To be continued…End.